I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
