Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
