The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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