Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
