I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
