go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
