let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
