Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
