I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
