I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
