wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
