If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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