I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
should my penis look like a turkey
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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