You smell like a Billy Joel song
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
