Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
