We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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