oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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