And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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