FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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