plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
