my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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