You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
