i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
