a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
