John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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