My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
