Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
