omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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