We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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