i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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