and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
