I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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