Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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