ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
