I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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