Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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