great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
