Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
