I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
