Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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