Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so let's talk penis.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
