I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
