I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
