my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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