PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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