I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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