If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
