Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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