At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
