And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
