The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
how drunk are you?
Several
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
