Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
