They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
