Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
