You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
