The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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