I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize