I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
