From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
