i don't like sucking hair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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