OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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