I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
