some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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