I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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