we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
