you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
