She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
