This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
