I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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