i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
