I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize