I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
